First impressions management

“A man whose face does not smile should not open a shop”

– Chinese Proverb –

I've read a few books about impression management and personal branding and they all inevitably mention some indicative of a small number of seconds it takes to form a first impression. Sure, this is essentially a tactic to get you to understand the importance of it but it’s irelevant. One doesn’t need to know whether it’s three or seven seconds because each of us, regardless of academic education or number of read books, can pinpoint a like or dislike of someone new almost instantly.

This is the natural human way to form an impression, whatever it may be, because that is how we evolved and got here. That is how we are built. We can blame millions of years of evolution and our ancestors who were forced by circumstances to make a spontaneous decision that was related to survival: “friend or foe? Food or attacker?” Our brains are still wired that way.

But in the professional environment, our income may depend on these presets. The good news is that you can control how good that first impression of you is going to be.

Remember the main elements in transmitting a message, which you probably studied in school?: sender, receiver, message, channel, etc. There is no need to relearn the definitions, but one rule is worth remembering: the sender is responsible for transmitting the message so that the receiver receives it as intended by the sender. It is not the receiver's job to understand what you meant.

Therefore - it falls on you to manage some key aspects in order to create a good first impression:

– your appearance.

– your presence

- your words.

Appearance

“You can get anything you want in life. If you know how to dress for it.”

– Edith Head –

Appearance is made up of everything you bring with you physically, from your clothing to the smallest signet ring on your pinky finger.

As mature and civilized professionals we learn to control our prejudices determined by our own beliefs and we would never admit, not even to ourselves, that we have preconceived ideas, but one must admit that the professional environment is not full of professionals and objectivity and correct decisions. It is not fair but it happens more often than we like to admit that we do judge people by their attire.

In the business world this translates to those around you your better judgement on rising to an occasion but it also sends a message about how good you might be at your job. While unfair and absolutely not directly linked always, people tend to associate good looking clothing with a high budget and a high budget with success and success with competence. Therefore, this bias can be used for your benefit or it can work against you and cause you to lose all sorts of opportunities that you wouldn’t even know you have missed.It is highly likely that those who come to work looking slpppy, with dirty shoes, wrinkled shirts, unstitched hems on their jackets, can be very hardworking people. Maybe even the hardest workers. But until they get to prove it, the first impression they create may not give them this chance to come to a place of work. And they may have to work twice as hard to be heard down the line.You see, therefore, that a well-groomed appearance “pre-guarantees” a chance at professional success and that the time spent educating yourself about your own body dimensions, what suits it well, the right cut for a suit or a shirt, the fabrics that are worth your money, is time well spent. Not only that it helps you avoid confusion in the morning in front of your closet (“what am I wearing today?”), but you may even manage to open some doors and some new opportunities in your life.

Start with: A well-tailored, navy colored blazer fits you well (store-bought + altered by a tailor if not bespoke) and a crisp, white, ironed shirt – are two things that should not be missing from anyone’s wardrobe, regardless of your gender, age, title or industry. The combination is a classic win for a reason.

Presence

Judgement of others doesn’t stop at a general physical scan. We tend to judge those around, especially at work, by the way they walk into a room, we judge them by the way they carry their heads high – or not, by the way they carry their hands by their sides or their bags and their courtesy to those around them. We sometimes end up gravitating towards strangers just because they have a haughty presence, as if they rule the world or at least the room they are in. We sometimes end up disliking strangers from a distance, just because of the way they gesture, without even hearing what they are saying. The more time we spend in a space observing the people around us, the more judgments we make. And prejudices. It is almost a pleasant activity to spend time in. And most likely we have provoked such judgments and prejudices ourselves.

In general, we tend to evaluate that people who have an unmemorable presence, a hunched gait, a bad posture – are struggling, are stressed, are not disciplined, they let others lead them, that they do not have consideration themselves. And instead, we have the habit of believing that people who walk straight, enter a room with determination, have a healthy posture and hold their heads high regardless of circumstances, are probably more successful in life, probably do better at work, probably struggle less. We are naturally drawn to these people, even as introverts.

Your presence, therefore- the way you carry yourself - can work for your benefit before you even open your mouth.

Make an effort to be more aware of your own gait and posture and never forget that “standing straight” is in your interest. In the basement of your thoughts, your interests and desires shoild always dictate you to carry yourself high. One doesn’t need forcefulness, notifications and all kinds of devices mounted on the back and alarms on the phone to stand up straight. It simply becomes natural when you stop thinking about it, when you believe that you bring value and are worth knowing.

Start with: correcting your posture and your walk. Keep your head high even in the most humbling circumstances. Slow down your movements. Own the situation.

Words

In your private life you have the privilege of not having to talk to someone if you do not feel like it but in your professional life, given the stakes (income, goals, obligations), you may not always have the choice to decline. So rather than slaloming through uncomfortable situations, it’s best you start mastering the art of “connecting”.

How does one “connect” with others?

We like it when we immediately get along with someone we’ve just met. This should not be left to chance. Specifically, some tips:- Correct introductions and presentations.

Firstly - one we should have a clue about address someone correctly, depending on the context and culture and professional status - especially a new acquaintance. Here it becomes essential to know how to correctly evaluate who is the person with the highest authority in a professional context. 

As a general etiquette rule - in a professional setting, the person with the higher professional title is the one that “receives” the curtesy, similarly to what the good old social etiquette rules say about women or elderly people.

For example, in a company, the general manager has the highest professional status so he/she/ they is the person with the highest authority and so they are the receivers of courtesy: perhaps you open the door for them or follow behind when heading to an internal meeting.

But between the general manager of a company you might be working for and the regional manager of a company that could become your client, the respective regional manager becomes the most important person. Your guest is your receiver of hospitality in this case.

Figuring out the correct reasoning of the hierarchy makes it much easier to address each other correctly, to respect the appropriate level of formality and to make introductions with ease. 

One recommendation here - which most people seem to ignore - is to remember that, regardless of the profesional context, you should always address people that you’ve just met politely and formally, until you are invited to lower the level of formality.

For example - if you have just met someone at a conference and you are lacking information about their title, role, even their company - stay safe and address them formally. If they feel comfortable to lower the formality level and be more casual, let them initiate that. An infinite amount of opportunities have been killed before they even became opportunities simply because a BDR somewhere started a cold call with “hey, buddy! Is this “name”?. It costs you nothing to be polite at first, regardless of your title. These things still matter.

Secondly - when making presentations and introductions, the name of the person with the highest authority is spoken first: “Mr.-Highest-Authority, I present to you Mr.-Lower-Level-of-Authority”.

If you can’t remember this etiquette rule, then you may want to associate it with the following image: a king on the throne is receiving visitors. Each visitor is announced by a guard: “my King, this is So-and-So from the Land of soandso..”. The visitor is introduced to the king. The visitor probably knows who the king is.

 In today’s business world, the king is the person with the higher professional authority. You are the guard. Therefore, the general formula is:

“[Higher-status person’s name], may I introduce [name of the other person]?

Are the Rules the Same Everywhere? Mostly, yes but some cultural nuances exist:  U.S./U.K./Western Europe: Follow the hierarchy rule (senior person introduced to junior).Japan & East Asia: Introductions are formal; hierarchy is key, and full titles often matter more.Southern Europe & Middle East: More emphasis on courtesy and warmth, but still respect for rank.DACH area Precision and titles matter - keep things formal, especially in initial meetings.If you’re in doubt, default to business hierarchy and professionalism: Always use full names and titles in initial introductions and add a short context: “Ms. Taylor, may I introduce Alex, our intern who’ll be supporting the project rollout.”

– Orientation towards those around you has an enormous positive impact.

Most people spend their time thinking inwardly, preparing their next response in a conversation or making constant efforts to bring the conversation towards themselves.  If you ever wondered why professional contacts don't "stick” and don’t turn into “professional relationships” - you might be one of the most.worry not, though - because once you are aware of this, you should not be able to stick to your conversational habits.What wins people over, always, is simple courtesy.

Make an experiment next time you meet someone new: focus your attention on the person in front of you; respond posy with your whole body, not just with words; ask for advice, opinions and stories; make authentic compliments, decent proposals and genuine recommendations. Make them feel like they’re the most important person in the room. And so is the next person you meet.

– Avoid distractions with intention.

It is so much better to give someone five minutes of dedicated attention than one hour of unnecessary, unmemorable, unmotivated small talk, while you’re looking over their shoulders or on your phone for the next best thing.

– Pay attention to changes.

Learn to “save” the situation before the “situation” happens,  by recognizing signals in others that they are ready to end an encounter. It will make them grateful.

Example: you find yourself at a work event, where the person you’ve just met seems a bit bored or uncomfortable or anxious. Call it out, but elegantly. Something along the lines “I can tell you’re rather bored with my small talk on weather.  I’m a good conversationalist but I can’t stretch that subject much so let’s switch to politics, peace in the Middle East or religion, shall we? (precisely those topics that we should not touch – with a subtle smile on your face)

Or - give them an elegant way out:  “should we head towards the coffee point? I trust you are busy so perhaps some caffeine would help your day” or “if you need to be somewhere else soon, I don’t want to be rude and keep you here with dreadful weather talk”

Essentially, you want to put people at ease and make them feel comfortable and by sort of taking “the blame” on you, you can manage to get some grateful smiles in return. People feel relieved when others understands them without them having to explain themselves. The explaining is usually causing people to feel shame or guilt. Take that away from them and you’ll be met with much lighter emotions next time.

Lastly - In addition to constantly educating yourself about the world for the sake of knowing what is going on, it’s also recommended to do it with the selfish interest of not being boring.

Knowing a little about many things can help creating social bridges and in general, draws people in.

____________

Financial Times journalist Paul Murphy speaks at length about meeting a conman in one of his investigations. Here’s a sample transcript of a thrilling episode from “HOT MONEY: Agent of chaos”:

- “we talked about geopolitics, we talked about technology, we talked about finance, we talked about the state of the world. He had interesting opinions and information on all of the things.

At this point - did it occur to you that he’d charmed you in any way?

Yes, it did. But He was a charming man. “

This is not to romanticise the conman type here, but there’s something to be learned from such people: they draw you in.